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Tuesday, 5 January 2016

It will be o.k

Waking up without anywhere to go to makes each day longer than it should be, it makes every mock to sting more than it should, it changes genuine comments to mockery ones. Having to wake up and plan, plan for all the stuff you can't execute because you are unemployed makes life a pure nightmare. The sting of unemployment is more painful than the sting of a thousand bees. Actually physical pain is less strong compared to emotional pain. When unemployment hits a couple, one part of it, it cuts between them like a knife does to a clothe.

I suppose you have once watched Tyler Perry's"The Family That Preys", and Tyler Perry is just good at writing, that movie is inexplicably superb to me. It shows clearly the sting of sub-unemployment. "I can be nicest man on earth, but if you keep pissing me off we are gonna have a problem" Chris, Andrea's husband. The man was trying, he really was, but his wife would trample on the little pieces of his ego every chance she gets. Keep this in mind, Chris was sub-unemployed, imagine an unemployed husband. Chris ended up slapping his wife Andrea, something he never would have loved to do.

What is this soul talking about today? That's a good question. I aim to talk about violence in couples; married or stay inns, I do not trust my fairness on this one, I might be bias. I'm sorry in advance. Among the many causes of violence, I will single out some and not talk about them; the likes of individuals whom violence was instilled in them since they were a year old, I won't talk about those. I want to talk about good people who change to violence due to their surroundings, the home or house surroundings of the time of the eruption of the violence.

Mostly, men violence towards women. Men have this inborn sickness, EGO, may I please be honest with you on this, EGO is one thing I understand but I cannot explain it to you; I feel it that see it. When a couple stays together, both unemployed, one way or the other the men feels like he has the responsibility to provide for them, even in this era of equity. Women want equity when things are running smoothly, when they turn bad they assume the place they have been running away from in the name of equity, they look up to the man to stand up and come up with something. The man then engages in an internal war with his own ego at that time, the ego tells him 'you gotta do something, she is looking up to you', the brain and situation say 'things are bad, nothing is working to your direction'. The man badly gets angry at his own ego, unfortunately, its something he cannot touch, grabb, shake, hit against the wall. The women then unknowingly joins the war, she takes the side of the ego. Look at this, something the man can grabbed, touch, hit, shake and hit against the wall joins the war side of the one the man has been willing to retaliate against. When the women talks to her partner about the needs of the house, about the shortages of the house, about what other men has accumulated; she unconsciously takes the side of the ego and is now fighting against her husband emotionally. This war goes on for a long time, the man trying very hard to keep it emotional. I assure you, if it persists for a longer time it will slip out of his control, it will change to a physical war, and the victim will be the tangible one; the woman. It is not that the man is violent and has sat down and planned to be violent against his partner, NO. It is that his partner joined a war that has already been going on for a long time inside him. I wonder what blinds women that by telling your man what your male friend has achieved you are in a way telling your man that "real men are working and achieving, you are busy being stupid and sitting here". Believe me on this, it kills a man to tell him about what your friend's boyfriend has achieved, or your male friend. The man has already many a times beat himself for being unable, why really do you have to hit a bleeding sore? You hit a bleeding sore, violence erupts as the man will retaliate at some point.

Even worse, the woman is working and taking care of the family needs. The man will everyday have the fight against his own ego, "really! You think you are a man? What kind of a man who is provided by her woman, the person you should be providing for?" Ego bullying the man. Don't look at him and see him smile and think he is happy and has forgotten that he is unable, it eats him up every chance it gets.  And be careful, I'm talking about men, not males. The man is dying inside, losing a battle against his own ego. The poor women, unknowingly, will get a bag of hot chilli and rub on the wounds opened by the spear of the ego. "Dumisa did get a job today, he went to the company's offices than sending emails and letters" working lady. Even if she is just tipping her man on a new strategy he can try, but to the man this sounds like 'real mem who are serious, unlike you who enjoy being taken care of by a woman, are doing their best to get jobs". The man being him, who has searched for a job for a time, understands that one steps to an office if he has spoken to someone in there prior to going in. It hurts so much that his lady has said he is not serious about finding a job and he enjoys being taken care of by her. "Bongani bought Dudu a car for her birthday, WoW! She knows love indeed" working woman talking about her friend's birthday present. Then the man thinks "so I hate you".As time goes by and such statements keep on being uttered, the man loses it and does what he wouldn't have loved to do to his lovely partner. Violence has got an entrance hole.

What happened to being supportive, understand that the person beats himself erveyday for his failures, and try to comfort him and heal the wounds left by the ego he has. Telling him things will be fine and the situation will change, you both will be happy again. Stop bringing other people's affairs here, for it does not help in any way, rather it destroys all chances of ways forward.